A new chapter...

2 Timothy 1
1Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, according to the promise of life which is in Christ Jesus,

2To Timothy, my dearly beloved son: Grace, mercy, and peace, from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

3I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day;

4Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears, that I may be filled with joy;

5When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also.

6Wherefore I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.

7For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

8Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;

9Who hath saved us, and called us with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace, which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began,


SO much has changed since the last post. I have changed so much since the last post. I have been so far from my God that I have been wondering in limbo. Not really here not really there... no where! This scripture was in Pastors sermon a couple of weeks ago. I have read hundreds of times, verse 7 is a verse I was taught as a toddler. But that is not my focus now, my focus is on verse 5. He called on Timothy to remember the faith of his mother and grandmother. Told him to wake up and see the linage of faith that is in his family. Basically Paul is saying you of all people should know that your faith is what makes you strong. You grew up with thay faith so get back to it. Although there are many changes to my life there is one thing that has never and will never change... GOD! He is the same yesterday, today and forever. DUH! So how come growing up with the faithful women in my life is it so hard to have faith? How come I know that my mother was healed and i still cant look at the sun? Because I am human, because I am a sinful creature, because I have an enemy who is trying to devour me, because I am so far from perfect. But Jesus is God made flesh, and Jesus is with out spot or stain, and Jesus crushed Satan on the cross and Jesus is perfect.... the Perfect Spotless Lamb of GOD! I have felt nothing for so long that its hard now to feel anything at all. But i know who my God is, and I know what he wants for me. How can I have that again? How can I reach out and break this awful cycle that I have started. My soul aches and then nothing. There are no more tears but still so much to cry about. There is no joy but oh so much to be joyful about. I come from faithful women. i come from God-Fearing women. I come from Pray Warrior Women. It is in me and yet I cant seem to find it. He is here but I cant seem to feel him. I am lost with a map in my hands.

I do not fear the night, I fear the day.

Lord find me for I am lost. I can not seem to find my way to light. When I see light I turn and run ashamed of what walking in light will reveal. I am dirty and there is ugliness engulfing me. Please save me for I am unable to save myself.